her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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