I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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