Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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