just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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