uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
