then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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