we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
