he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
