she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
