Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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