You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
