i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
