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i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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