I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
