What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
