i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize