god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
