If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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