I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
