Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
