The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
