I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
