the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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