Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
