We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
