I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
