i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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