What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
