I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
