i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize