so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
