their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
