Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
