The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
