I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
