Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't turn off my feet"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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