I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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