Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
