I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
