i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
