How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
