I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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