this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
