No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize