nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize