are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
