i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
