Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
