yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
