She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
