this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
