note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You have to summon your inner elephant
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
