I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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