so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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