He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
40s are totally the cure
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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