I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
