Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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