This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
