Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
