i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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