she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
