I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
