i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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