Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
