1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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