I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
