Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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