There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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