singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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