My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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