WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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