Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
