Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Randomize
