Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize