My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
