I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
