Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
