i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
