Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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