if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
