I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
