My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
